Do You Want It - or Do You Want to Want It?

I was listening to a podcast recently where a woman shared that she wanted to wake up earlier so she could get more done. When the interviewer asked why she didn’t simply wake up earlier, she offered a long list of reasons - she was tired, mornings were hard, her days were already full. Then came the question that shifted everything: Do you want to wake up earlier, or do you want to want to wake up earlier? That distinction stayed with me.

So often, we say we want things that sound reasonable and responsible. We want to exercise every day, plan our meals more consistently, stay on top of our routines, be more diligent with the habits we believe would make life feel smoother. But when it comes time to follow through, something inside us resists. Instead of getting curious, we criticize ourselves. We assume the problem is discipline, rather than asking whether this desire truly fits our life right now.

What if that resistance isn’t a failure, but information? There’s a difference between wanting to do something and wanting what that thing represents - a sense of control, health, or being “on track.” Sometimes we don’t actually want the habit itself; we want the version of ourselves we imagine it will create. When we chase the image instead of listening to our reality, we end up tired and frustrated.

There’s real freedom in telling the truth: I don’t actually want this. That honesty isn’t giving up - it’s choosing alignment. So much of the pressure to want certain things comes from comparing ourselves to others or absorbing what we see online - other people’s routines, discipline, and carefully edited lives. When we stop forcing ourselves to want what drains us, and stop measuring ourselves against someone else’s image, we make room for what’s genuine and life-giving in our own. You don’t need to convince yourself to want something that doesn’t fit your life. Honoring what’s true for you is where ease - and authentic progress - begin.

Reflection:

What is one thing you’ve been telling yourself you “should” want - and what might change if you gave yourself permission to let it go?