Choosing Your Own Joy in a Comparison World
Lately, I’ve been thinking about how easy it is to feel like we don’t quite have enough.
Not enough time.
Not enough energy.
Not enough progress.
It’s a quiet feeling, but it can sneak in quickly.
In yoga philosophy, the third Yama, Asteya, is usually translated as non-stealing.
At first, it sounds pretty straightforward - don’t take what isn’t yours.
But Asteya isn’t just about physical things.
It invites us to notice the small moments when we start comparing or reaching outside ourselves, and how quickly that can take away our sense of peace.
When my kids were little, I used to watch this happen all the time.
One child would be happily playing with a toy - completely content. Everything was fine… until they noticed what someone else had.
And just like that, the toy in their own hands lost its appeal.
They would drop what they had been perfectly happy with moments before and go after the other toy.
Nothing about their original toy had changed.
The only thing that changed was their focus.
And when my kids got older, I started to see the same thing happen in a different way.
They could be having a really nice time - hanging out with friends, watching a movie, relaxing at home - completely content in the moment.
Then they would scroll through social media and see what someone else was doing.
Suddenly, the moment they were in didn’t feel as good anymore.
They felt like they were missing out.
Like they should be somewhere else.
Like everyone else was having more fun.
Nothing about their actual moment had changed.
Only their focus had.
And if we’re being honest…we still do this as adults.
We can be having a perfectly fine day,
feeling steady,
feeling content…
and then we scroll.
And suddenly we feel behind.
Or like we should be further along.
Or like everyone else has something we don’t.
Comparison slips in so quietly,
and before we know it,
we’ve stopped enjoying the life we were just living.
There’s a saying that fits so well here:
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Through the lens of Asteya, we might say it this way:
When we compare, we end up stealing from our own peace.
Asteya gently invites us to come back to what is already here.
To notice what’s already enough.
To stop abandoning our own joy because someone else’s life looks better in the moment.
And let’s be honest, practicing this today isn’t always easy.
We live in a world of:
picture-perfect moments filling our feeds
pressure to always be doing more
the feeling that we should be further along
Asteya offers us another way.
It might look like:
putting the phone down when you notice comparison creeping in
celebrating someone else’s success without doubting your own path
pausing to notice what is already going well in your life
When we stop reaching for what isn’t ours in the moment,
we start to feel more settled right where we are.
And our joy becomes easier to access.
We don’t have to do this perfectly.
We just begin gently.
Just taking one moment at a time,
to come back to our own life,
our own pace,
our own joy.
