Leave Room For Who You Can Become

On Tuesday, we were at book club discussing the characters in our latest book. We began noticing how the way they saw themselves kept them from imagining what else might be possible.

It reminded me of something Tonya Leigh said: “You don’t rise above your self-image. You live into it.”

She went on to explain that the way we see ourselves sets the limit for what feels possible, and that we return to the woman we believe ourselves to be.

I could see that in the characters we were discussing. And when I thought about it a little longer, I could see it in myself.

I started teaching in 1992. For years, I would say, “If it doesn’t happen in a classroom, I have no idea how it works.”

I usually said it with a laugh, but I believed it.

People would tell me I’d make an excellent administrator. But I only saw myself as a classroom teacher. I didn’t even allow myself to think beyond that. I loved teaching, and somewhere along the way, “This is what I love” became “This is all I know how to do.”

Then the pandemic hit.

I had earned my Orton-Gillingham teaching certification, figuring I would tutor on the side, after school. But when my preschool shut down and local children began attending school every other day, families needed tutors. What I had imagined as something I’d do on the side became an opportunity to open a tutoring business.

As horrible as that time was, it forced me to pivot and to consider something I might never have chosen on my own.

The teaching part felt familiar. The business part did not.

I didn’t know the first thing about running a business. I had always assumed I couldn’t do it, so I had never given myself much reason to think otherwise.

But I started reading books. I talked to people. I asked questions. Little by little, I learned and grew.

And I allowed my self-image to grow, too.

I was still a teacher, but I was discovering that I could be more than the picture I’d carried of myself for so many years. If I had stopped at “I’m a teacher in a classroom,” I would never have found out.

And that’s where my little epiphany came in.

Self-image. An image of the self, created by the self.

How I see me.

That’s what struck me. It should be such a personal picture, yet so much of it can come from other people and the circumstances of our lives.

Someone says something hurtful, and we start to believe it. Something doesn’t work out, and we decide we’re not capable. We spend years in one role and begin to think it’s all we can be.

Without realizing it, we let those words and experiences become our own description of ourselves.

I had done that with teaching. I knew who I was in a classroom, and I assumed that was the extent of what I could do. But that was the picture I had created, not the limit of what I could learn.

Other people and circumstances will influence how we see ourselves. But we get to question what we’ve taken to heart. Does it still fit? Was it ever true? Is it giving us room to grow?

It’s up to us to create a kinder, more positive self-image. We can recognize our strengths, give ourselves credit for what we’re learning, and allow new experiences to change what we believe is possible.

After all, it’s our picture. We get to have a say in what it becomes.

Sometimes life forces us to move beyond who we thought we could be. Sometimes we have to make that choice ourselves. We try something unfamiliar, ask a question, or take a small step before we feel ready.

I wonder what else I’ve quietly ruled out with “That’s just not me.”

Maybe you have something like that, too.

Something you’re curious about. Something you’d love to try. Something you haven’t allowed yourself to imagine because it doesn’t fit the way you’ve always seen yourself.

Maybe we can leave a little room for it.

We deserve a picture of ourselves that leaves room to grow.